It started with the snooze button...

For the record, I hate the snooze button! I have some kind of internal clock that allows me to never need an alarm clock- Ken does not have such a clock. On this particular Saturday morning he snoozed about 4 times too many for me leaving me in not such a good mood. I ,however, overcame my crankiness and did some laundry and even managed a bit of time on the elliptical before hopping in the shower to get ready for the girls gymnastics performance.

Shortly thereafter I heard crying in the distance and thought to myself- seriously, I just got in the shower who is crying already and why!! Then that crying got closer and sounded like bad crying. My little Jack came bursting in my bathroom holding his arm and saying it really, really, really, hurts-yikes!! I quickly rinsed my hair and knew that a trip to the ER was necessary. In the meantime, I tried to get dressed, get him situated, calm down Marah who was crying and saying that this is scary, told the girls to get dressed, remembered that Hayden was home, woke him up, filled him in, told him to call Ken at work and left for the ER with Jack.

Both bones were broken and after some sleepy juice, a repositioning of bones, a splint, liquid percoset, and lots of x-rays we were ready to pick up his meds and head home. I called home to no answer about 3 times and then I started getting worried.

Hayden finally called me back to let me know he was having a hard time breathing-WHAT!! After a few minutes of panic between Ken and myself we devised a plan. I left with Jack to pick up Hayden while Ken waited for the meds. Luckily, Uncle Paul came over to watch all three little people and I headed back to the ER with Hayden.

After a not very nice man triaging us, a chest x-ray, torturous FOX news in the waiting room, a few jokes from the ER peeps, the diagnosis came...MONO!! Well, that news certainly perked up both of us...me asking the doc if it was still referred to as the kissing disease- yes indeed it is- a smiling face from Hayden and a few more hours of mocking from me helped to pass the time.

The boy had two bags of IV fluids, a steroid, IV meds, and tylenol and then we were out of there. He was certainly much perkier and we had some good laughs. All in all a total of 9 hours in the ER for me- not how I expected to spend my Saturday- nothing good comes from the snooze button!!

A few days later Jack got his cast put on. He chose purple and is back to normal- looking at about 4 to 6 weeks in his cast with trips to the ortho clinic weekly to make sure said bones are growing back correctly- oh joy!!

Happy Times...

November was full of happy times!! Autumn turned 8- I can hardly believe this- it seems as if we just brought her home yesterday:( It's exciting times when you turn 8 around here. She was baptized last week and now gets to go to activity days twice a month. Activity days is for girls who are 8-12 years old and they get together and do lots of fun stuff- she was overjoyed. Marah on the other hand was a little sad and so was I since this was the first thing they are not doing together.

The girls had their first piano recital. They were so excited and both did a great job. Everything was going so well until...

It was time to hand out the trophies. Autumn's name was called and Marah sat on the edge of her seat until the very last trophy was handed out just waiting for her name to be called...

and it wasn't:( Can you say heartbreaking, soul destroying, just plain wrong!! We all looked at each other like deers in the headlights since we didn't even know there would be trophies handed out!! She handled it pretty well but I wish that was a lesson she didn't have to learn at the age of six- good grief!!

Our tree has been up since the beginning of the month and this is the first year in a long while that I can remember feeling the true Christmas spirit. We have Elf on a Shelf this year and the little peeps LOVE him. He sits somewhere in your house and every night leaves to report to Santa on everyone's naughty or nice status returning to a different spot each morning. He cannot be touched otherwise he will lose his special powers. I've only had to get out of bed twice having forgotten to take care of Elfie:)

Hayden is working on his picture taking skills- I prefer pictures of the faces only- for obvious reasons but he insists on taking whole body ones- ugh!! I continue to be amazed by his kindness and all around goodness. He is a huge blessing to me and our whole family. We continue to have difficult and heartbreaking challenges with Ryker but I am forever grateful for a husband, family, and good friends who help me through the crappy stuff.
A few random pieces of info- Ken and I found the best burger place ever and he is addicted, I'm back to yoga and I love it, shift work is not as terrible as I thought, I have a great coat that is cute, warm, and zips, Marah is about to lose her two front teeth- another one growing up-sigh-, Jack continues to humor us with his constant chatter, Ryker is riding his bike in this freezing weather, we should be gaining daylight soon, and I am still dreaming about moving to Florida!!

Trick or Treat

We had a great Halloween- I consider any Halloween in Alaska that is snow free automatically great:) The little peeps had so much fun trick or treating. Jack was a man on a mission and had to ring every doorbell himself. If the people shut the door before he remembered to say thank you he would get very upset and say they didn't hear me! One lady heard this through her door and opened it up to let him know she did indeed hear him- oy vay!!!

We have lots of kids come to our neighborhood to trick or treat. Not all neighborhoods in Anchorage are trick or treat friendly and I'm so glad ours is. It reminds me of when we were little.

I love that the girls still want to be the same thing. They have such love for each other I pray daily that this will continue throughout their lives especially the teen-age years!

Ken's finishing up his first run of the 6pm to 6am shift and we are all soooo happy about that! Luckily, he will only be working nights about every three months. It's no fun being on totally opposite schedules but we are grateful that he has a stable and steady job.

For some weird reason I feel compelled to put up our Christmas tree. I know it's early but the idea is under serious consideration. I've even purchased some Christmas gifts!

My new favorite thing is Sugarlands newest cd The Incredible Machine. If I was more computer savvy I could find the image online and put it on here but not so much:( Anywhoo it is awesome and I can't stop listening to it at especially loud decibels while I'm driving by myself- don't want to blow out the little people's eardrums!!

Back to My Regularly Scheduled Blogging

I am disturbed by how quickly time seems to be going by!! Turning 41 was so much weirder than turning 40- it felt and still feels much older:(

Hayden was accepted into the Firefighter Explorer program and I am so excited! We went to the training meeting and there were junior firefighters in their uniforms out greeting everyone- it gave me chills. I'm so excited for him to be spending time with people who are good mentors. As our big kids have gotten older I've realized how important it is for teens to have as many good mentors as possible.

After years of searching I've found the best pediatric dentist ever- Dr. Meghan Foster. She is amazing and is a tricare preferred provider- hooray!! Autumn has the most cavity prone teeth ever and had a bunch of work done yesterday- the whole experience could not have gone any better. I'm so thankful for that!

Sometimes people become lifelong friends even though we don't talk to or see them very much- you know those people the ones who you see and it feels like not a day has passed. Well, I learned last week that I need to be much better at calling those people when they pop into my head because they might not be around forever. One of those friends of mine died a couple of weeks ago and it has been on my mind ever since. I could have been so much better about calling her and seeing how she was doing. She popped into my head so many times over the last year and I only did something about that once. I've promised myself that from her death I will learn to listen to those little moments when people pop into my head and do something about them!

Guilt is something I'm all too familiar with for so many reasons!! I've gotten better over the years about not feeling guilty when I can't make everyone happy- which is hard to do for a people pleaser! One thing that really ticks me off is when other people try to make me feel guilty for not doing things that for whatever reason they think I should be doing. A little over a year ago I made a conscious decision to spend more time at home and with my family and this has not gone over well with many people and honestly I'm a little tired of the scrutiny. My marriage and family are happier now than before I made that decision and I know with all of my being that is why. Even thought I would like to go and do bunches of things right now it just isn't the season.

Ken's back on shift work and so far so good! I attribute this to my being around and available to deal with the things that need to be done with our large and silly family. I'm so thankful for all the blessing that I have- I'm am for sure living the life that I always dreamed about as a girl- with a few things I haven't dreamed about but all is oh so well!!

Hacked

My apologies for any of you who had the misfortune of reading a post that I did not write. My blog was hacked into and a malicious post was written which was not reflective of my beliefs in any way, shape, or form. Again, my apologies to anyone who was offended or concerned for my mental state:)

What happened to July...

July flew by and it seems as if August is going even faster. I'm starting to suspect it really is true that the older you get the faster time goes by:( Ryker turned 18 last month. He got his GED with some help from Paul and we are happy that he made that step. He still struggles with many things but we are hopeful that he is beginning to make some changes.

Hayden had a great July with the Chicago relatives. A big thank you to all who housed and entertained him- you know who you are!! While in Chicago he turned 15!! It is hard to believe. School has started and day one came with some unexpected changes that will take some getting used. He loves to write stories and poems. He has gotten really good at guitar and even writes his own music! Basically he's an all around great kid.

Autumn continues to amaze us all with her gymnastic abilities. I've never seen anyone do cartwheels that seem so effortless. She loves reading and now she reads us stories at bedtime- that makes both Mom and Dad very happy!

Marah is a sweet girl who is not as brave as her sister when it comes to trying new things. She has lost a bit of her little girl face which makes me sad. She talks with her hands and tells the funniest stories- I just can't imagine where she gets that from!!

This picture explains our little Jack to a tee. I just happened to pass by the dryer and this is what I saw. This boy never stops talking and just when I think I can't handle one more minute he looks at me and says "Mom, I love you" in his cute little Jack voice and all is forgiven.

As for the parents we are both doing pretty darn good. Ken is going back to shift work and I'm working on having a positive attitude about that. I've put school on the back burner for now. It was a hard choice but I feel that my energy needs to be spent on other things right now. We have had over 30 days of rain and it has taken it's toll but we've been rejoicing over our last two days of sunshine- which I am now going out to enjoy:)

Sweet Deliciousness...

How was my trip to Chicago to see Lady Antebellum and Tim McGraw...AWESOME!! I haven't been to a concert since the 8th grade when I went to see Rick Springfield- sad but true. It was a roasty toasty 92 degrees and I went with my sister, her hubby and my brother- who by the way doesn't even like country music but loves his sister:) There are no words to explain the excitement of seeing these people whose songs I rock out to on an almost daily basis live on stage. When it was almost over I turned to my sister and said WHAT!! I'm not done yet!!


We saw a couple of Tim McGraw look alikes but they didn't even come close to the real thing!


Before the festivities began.


My sister and I in a sweaty mess but having a great time!



While in Chicago we went to the library where my grandma was a librarian for 35 years. She gave me my love for reading and I have so many memories of spending summer days in the back room of the library- that was really for the employees- but she always let us stay back there and eat cookies and type on her typewriter. After she died they dedicated the children's library to her. I'd never seen the sign before and it brought back lots of memories. When we walked in the sign was covered up with the summer reading program poster so my sister just grabbed some chairs and she and my brother held the sign up so I could take the picture- one of the many reasons I love my sister!

I had such a good time. Thank goodness for xanax to ease my irrational fear of flying! It was so great to see all of our family. I miss living near them and getting to see everyone on a regular basis. I've given some serious consideration to becoming a Tim McGraw groupie until the end of the tour- next time he's in Chicago we will be sitting in one of the first few rows!!

Gotchas and Birthdays

May 30th was Autumn's Gotcha day. It was the first time the girls did not want to celebrate Autumn's Gotcha and Marah's birthday on the same day like we usually do. They are growing up:( Every year on that day I think about our plane trip home and the fact that I never knew a baby could scream for 5 hours straight!! She is a joy in our lives.


June 1st was Marah's birthday. She had the whole day planned out from dinner to decorations and party games. She is a very funny girl who says random things that make me want to be completely in her head just for a day!


One of the games Marah had planned was musical chairs. The boys were kind enough to play all her games with us. In our version of musical chairs everyone ends up trying to sit on the same chair at the end so no one feels left out. Hayden was mortified that he had to sit on Ryker's lap!



On a more serious note we could use some prayers. Ryker has a great opportunity for a fresh start in his life and I am asking for prayers that he will see this and take the actions he needs to. It has been so hard as his mother to watch him these last few years and this chance will not come around again. We appreciate any and all positive thoughts you can send our way!

An Interesting Sunday...

Last Sunday was a deviation from the norm for us. Since I uploaded the photos in reverse order I will tell our adventures in reverse order as well. The girls had their ballet recital at 5pm. They so look forward to this night every year. They spent many hours practicing their routine and admiring the costumes they are not allowed to wear until the performance. They did a great job and so did Jack- he wasn't performing but sitting for 2hrs is quite the feat for him.





Our morning was spent planting about 100 trees in a field on the back of Elmendorf. Ken requested that we skip church and help with this project. I was so happy he is wanting to be more active it was a no brainer to say yes. We don't usually do stuff like this but we all enjoyed it- imagine that!! The field was cleared because of beetle damage to the trees. Our family planted mostly spruce trees and the other folks planted some birch. We has a great time!

A Rocky Start

May 11th was our 20th wedding anniversary and let me tell you there were oh so many people who were certain this day would never come including myself. We have been together since I was a freshman in high school.. on and off for some of those years but mostly on. We started out at the height of dysfunction-serious dysfunction- and by a true miracle have grown into a couple who can honestly say that we love and respect each other more today than we ever have.

We've had ups and downs like any other couple- probably way more than most couples- and there have been times when we have wondered if we would make it through. SERIOUSLY WONDERED!

Something magical has happened over this last year that is hard to define. I attribute most of it to the book The 5 Love Languages (thank you Lori!). Some of it has also come from going through 3 very difficult years, making it through, and becoming better people than we were before the storms began. A willingness to look at our weaknesses and doing the work to change those things was also instrumental. Eternal thanks to Elder Johns who changed our lives in more ways than he'll ever know.

I spent a lot of years trying to change Ken into the person I thought he should be. I wish I would have realized sooner that accepting him and loving him for the man he is and the man he will grow into would make us both happy. I believe that as women we do not respect the men in our lives as much as we should. I now know that when I am putting Ken first and his feelings first my needs still get met. He doesn't require very much to be happy and I am on the receiving end of good things when he is happy and fulfilled.

Now that we know each other's love languages it is so much easier to fill up each others buckets. It really becomes effortless because when your own bucket is full you want to give to the other person.

When I look back on all our years together I'm so grateful that neither one of us gave up- at the same time anyway! We do have a few co-dependent issues- thank goodness!! I know we will have hard times again but it isn't so scary to me now because we are in such a good place and we now have the tools to keep us there.

My husband is a good man and I didn't always give him enough credit for that. I'm grateful that he loves me as I am and is willing to stick around for this crazy little life of ours!

My Beast

We celebrated Jack's third birthday today. I've taken to calling him My Beast and for those of you who know him you know why. He is seriously delightful while at the same time being maddeningly mischievous.

He currently likes to ask you if your are happy, angry, sad etc. I always tell him to look at my face and guess... he does a good job with that.

He is riding his little motorcycle big wheel around the neighborhood when we go for our daily walks. It is very funny to watch him cruising along.

His smiling face melts my heart although you'll probably not see it for awhile since he's taken to smiling like some kind of freak during pictures!

He takes great joy in chasing his sisters around with objects to hit them with. That is why he got a baseball mitt and balls but not a bat for his birthday.

He is still sleeping with us most nights. I was feeling pretty bad about this until Ken told me he kind of likes him sleeping with us. He is the baby of the family for sure:)

Finally, this little beast of mine talks incessantly.. I can't imagine where that comes from!!

The Boy and other things...

This is Jack's first real haircut. All the big boys minus Hayden went to get haircuts. Ken has a certain stylist who he likes to cut his hair- I say she has a little crush on him and he says I'm crazy- whatever. She did a great job with Jack and the rest of the boys and I was very impressed with the lollipop in the mouth scenario. When Jack has a lollipop in his mouth and his hands are trapped under a cape he cannot talk- BRILLIANT!!

We ate lunch after- during which I remembered a bunch of boxes that may or may not have been at the church- these boxes were supposed to be in Eagle River but I had a feeling no one went to get them. We headed over to the church and sure enough there they were. Well, Ken and Ryker both insisted that I had tricked them into doing a church activity- as we had to load up the boxes and drive them out to Eagle River. Seriously, it was completely ridiculous!

We had an interesting Sunday at church. The message was good but the delivery felt like being called before a firing squad- it was completely absurd and made me want to rebel.. I felt very close to Ryker at that moment.

Ken and the big people went to Chicago. They left at 10pm on Sunday night and I found it baffling that no one had a thing packed until about 8pm. They arrived safely and I'm sure they are enjoying many adventures.

I have had an interesting discovery. The main mess makers in this house are all in Chicago as we speak. It is truly astounding at how clean this house is with very little effort...I'm debating whether they can come back or not:)

My new favorite book is Women, Food, and God by Geneen Roth. She is brilliant!

Recent stuffs..

We went to see the snow sculptures that they have here every year for Fur Rondy. It was a nice distraction since it was on the same day that we put Lightning down. It was good to be out of the house and not dwelling on the event of the day. Our other dog Thunder is reaping the benefits of our sadness and is getting lots of extra attention and walks. We have been enjoying the sunshine and I have been reminiscing about March of last year when we were at Disney and visiting our peeps in Chicago- that was a good month!!

Ken's version of taking a nice picture!






Autumn lost her first tooth recently- this made me sad:(


Do you think this boy will be disurbed later in life with all the pictures of him in girl clothes??

Goodbye Lightning...

Today we are putting our dog Lightning down. I am surprised at how sad I am about this. Admittedly we are not the best dog owners. As we have gotten more and more children the dogs have taken a back seat but we do still love them bunches. Monday Lightning had a huge seizure that left him falling over and disoriented for 20 minutes. After some blood work and a trip to the vet it is most likely he has a brain tumor and this will continue to happen. This was such a hard decision but after seeing that seizure I don't want that to happen to him again- it seemed to have aged him even more. Ken and Hayden will be taking him in today at 2pm. My husband is the best man and I am so impressed at the way Hayden is handling this- with a maturity and a kindness that warms my heart. Goodbye Lightning...

A Day To Remember...

-Me driving to Eagle River in a blizzard so I can work out with those I love
-Unload bikes, weights, exercise mat
-Marah complaining of stomach ache
-Me overreacting and sure she has appendicitis
-Load up bikes
-Chase Jack who is running away from me
-Marah crawling to car because she can't stand up from pain
-Me being frustrated instead of compassionate
-Me trying to get docter appointment
-Nurse telling me to take her directly to ER
-Driving through blizzard to ER
-Marah singing happily to Laurie Berkner cd
-Me what about your stomach ache????
-Marah it doesn't hurt anymore!!!
-Me burst into tears
-Get home, eat popcorn, shower, feel slightly better
-Me call friend for pep talk about my bad behavior
-Take Hayden and all 3 little ones to othodontist
-Jack talking incessently due to lack of nap
-Going home
-Rear-Ended!!!
-Thankfully everyone is fine
-Seriously this is my life- for today anyway

Thanks for the Support..

Thanks to all for the kind words- you'll be happy to know Hayden has stopped shaking his head at me! I however am having issues in the styling department. I cannot for the life of me replicate my beloved hair whisperer Sabrina's way of fixing my hair. After days of frustration I am heading back to her in the early hours of the morning tomorrow for a much needed tutorial!! I know it's just hair but I think with all of my other body issues I cannot add hair to my list!!!!

Lie if you must...

Okay so today I got my haircut and the men in this house all gave it a thumbs down:( Especially Hayden who just shakes his head everytime he sees me- Ken doesn't exactly hate it but he prefers my hair longer. I said if he gets to have a mustache then I think my hair can be this short- he just smiled and said "It's a deal". That's how we do things after 20yrs!! So lie if you must and tell me what you think:)

Jack

"I just got my ahchoo all over you" aka boogers

"Marah, do you want to see my green poop. It really is green- come right this way and I will show you"

Seriously, this boy is such a joy in my life!! Never fear the green poop is a result of too many fruit snacks- I know I'm a horrid mommy:) He's hard to say no to!!

I Gotta Feelin'

I LOVE this song from the Black Eyed Peas!!! It always gets me through the very last part of my time on the elliptical. I even surprised myself today by upping my level and speed. That being said I gotta feelin' that:

If I continue working out and getting this sweaty I may just fit into the pile of pants currently residing in the bottom of my closet!



I am finally ready to let go of this layer of fat I've created to insulate myself against our family crisis that lasted a good two years- it seems to be finally winding down.

I'm now going to be driving out to freaking Eagle River to continue working out with the friends I love.

Change is coming and I will make it through but I probably still won't like it.

My American Government class will make me grow in ways I'm not sure I'm ready for.

Flylady would be appalled at the sight of this:



Ryker will be a safe and cautious driver because he just purchased this:




This purchase is a sure test at how good my letting go of the children skills are getting!

I like my new glasses even though no one else in the family does!



And finally I gotta feelin' my exercise may be influencing others in the family!



Life is good!!