May 11th was our 20th wedding anniversary and let me tell you there were oh so many people who were certain this day would never come including myself. We have been together since I was a freshman in high school.. on and off for some of those years but mostly on. We started out at the height of dysfunction-serious dysfunction- and by a true miracle have grown into a couple who can honestly say that we love and respect each other more today than we ever have.
We've had ups and downs like any other couple- probably way more than most couples- and there have been times when we have wondered if we would make it through. SERIOUSLY WONDERED!
Something magical has happened over this last year that is hard to define. I attribute most of it to the book The 5 Love Languages (thank you Lori!). Some of it has also come from going through 3 very difficult years, making it through, and becoming better people than we were before the storms began. A willingness to look at our weaknesses and doing the work to change those things was also instrumental. Eternal thanks to Elder Johns who changed our lives in more ways than he'll ever know.
I spent a lot of years trying to change Ken into the person I thought he should be. I wish I would have realized sooner that accepting him and loving him for the man he is and the man he will grow into would make us both happy. I believe that as women we do not respect the men in our lives as much as we should. I now know that when I am putting Ken first and his feelings first my needs still get met. He doesn't require very much to be happy and I am on the receiving end of good things when he is happy and fulfilled.
Now that we know each other's love languages it is so much easier to fill up each others buckets. It really becomes effortless because when your own bucket is full you want to give to the other person.
When I look back on all our years together I'm so grateful that neither one of us gave up- at the same time anyway! We do have a few co-dependent issues- thank goodness!! I know we will have hard times again but it isn't so scary to me now because we are in such a good place and we now have the tools to keep us there.
My husband is a good man and I didn't always give him enough credit for that. I'm grateful that he loves me as I am and is willing to stick around for this crazy little life of ours!
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