Childhood trauma leaves an imprint-a part of yourself that doesn't change and I am learning to treat that part of myself with kindness. I know now when and why I became a worrier- some of it was my natural disposition- the rest was the result of trauma. I am learning to nurture that part of myself instead of fighting her constantly- which by the way only seems to spiral the worrying to higher places. The interesting thing to me is that it wasn't until my own daughter- the one who worries like me- became the same age that I was when my worries began- only then was I able to recognize how much I changed at that age. It is empowering to visit childhood issues with the intention of using the information to heal old wounds and find strength in the hurt. This is the effect I find while in therapy. This is what therapy is supposed to do- heal and create new tools for the toolbox we need to navigate this life.
The first time I ever went to a yoga class I left and thought- what just happened in there? I couldn't even put words to the way I was feeling. After learning more about yoga I realized that on my mat I was continually in the present moment- that is most certainly not the way I live my day to day life! Even after 5 years of regular practice and becoming a registered yoga teacher I still struggle to live mindfully- especially when it comes to food. Imagine my surprise to find one of the most effective tools that I can use to keep my worrying at bay is mindfulness. I feel like I knew this deep inside and that is why I continue to be so drawn to yoga. Mindfulness is also one of the most difficult things for me to do!
I found this while perusing the interweb and can I just say WOW- that is exactly how I feel when I roll out my mat and begin my practice. I also feel this while teaching and guiding others through their own practice. Life is difficult and also full of joy- I know for sure that while I navigate through and try to release behaviors that are no longer serving me it will be rough for awhile but in the end I will be living more wholeheartedly- I am already having moments and they feel deeply fulfilling.
.JPG)
